This is for YOU...

I’ve been gone for a while.

First, I want to say how much I’ve missed all of you.  The interactions…the sharing…the connections.  Your stories, questions and comments about what is happening in your lives.  I chose the path I’m on because I truly believe I was put here on this earth to be a blessing to women by helping guide them on the path through struggle and adversity.  What I didn’t realize was that I needed to work through my own first.  

The last decade of my life was longest of my life, yet it flashed by in the blink of an eye.  In 2010, I was diagnosed with health issues that have forever changed the trajectory of my life; not just from a physical health perspective, but with tentacles that touched every area of my life - including the demise of my marriage, my mental health, my career and so much more.

If you’ve followed me at all over the last few years, you’re likely already aware that after a very long and painful divorce, I made the decision return to college to earn a degree.  An endeavor that I had unsuccessfully attempted three other times.  Years later, I’m still in awe that the fourth time was a wonderful and joyous success.  After graduation, I hit the ground running - committed to making a difference in the world.  I took the gifts I received at graduation to go down to New Mexico in order to write my memoir.  Why?  Because I knew my story of failure, struggle and adversity was a story that would help other women on their journey.  

Then, a few months later, someone very close to me attempted suicide.  Which brought up emotions of my own suicide attempt as a teenager…and I went into self-protective mode.  This was 2 1/2 years ago.  I wish this was the end of the struggle and adversity in my life.  But, as I’ve learned…life is life and there will ALWAYS be struggle and adversity.  It took a good year to get my feet back on solid ground, but in November of 2018, I felt ready to remove the armor and open up to letting myself be seen again.  I had found an adorable little art studio and immediately signed a lease and began making plans for classes that would help women work through THEIR struggle and adversity.  

But, almost immediately, I began having health issues…two weeks later I was being schedule for a biopsy because my right breast had doubled in size and the radiologist suspected inflammatory breast cancer.  Two weeks after that my daughter and son-in-law were told the baby they were carrying was very sick and stood a 1% chance of survival.  The following month, my fiancé (now husband) became very ill and spent four (4) days in the ICU with sepsis.

Needless to say, my business plans were firmly placed on the back burner.

Today, a little over a year later, I’m finding my way back to health.  Although I continue to deal with diabetes and an autoimmune disorder, my breast diagnosis turned out to be a misdiagnosis.  My husband is in great health and I am the grandmother of a beautiful one-year-old baby girl!

There were so many days when I had no idea how I would get through another day.  There were days when I believed I would never be able to fulfill my desire to be a guide/blessing/resource to others as I so deeply desired to do.  I had beautiful outcomes…but, I know not all of us do.  Some lose their fight to disease.  Some lose their spouse and others lose the baby they so desperately wanted.

I wish I knew why these things happened.  I wish I knew why life can sometimes knock us to our knees.  I wish I had the answers for why life can seem so terribly unfair.  I wish I knew…

What I do know is that, for me, I believe sorrow, sadness, struggle and adversity exist so that I never forget all the other beautiful, wonderful things I have to be grateful for.  I believe life wants us to feel the courage and bravery that comes from picking ourselves back up and committing, once again, to choosing life.  For me, this meant a deeply renewed commitment to be a blessing to others.  And a reminder that this desire can only be accomplished when we’ve learned to love ourselves with a curious, brave, forgiving and grateful heart.

This desire and renewed commitment to YOU means that I’ve made some brave decisions about how I want to bravely move forward in this world.  In the coming weeks, I want to share my thoughts and ideas with you.  I think I’ve come up with a way to help a multitude of women rather than just a select few.  I’m so excited and cannot wait to tell you all about it.  For now, know that I am here…and I’m here for the long-term.  Because I care…and because YOU are the reason I’m so excited about the future.

In the meantime, I commit to being a presence to all who need what I have to offer and I promise to be a reliable and consistent presence to you all.  

Because…I hear you.

Because…you matter.

Because…you are worthy.

Because…you are so very loved.

P.S.  the picture in the caption is a little clue!